In the Event of the Zombie Apocalypse

Everywhere I've lived I've always given some thought as to how my location might affect my ability to survive a zombie apocalypse.  And by "zombie apocalypse", I really mean when the shit hits the fan globally, whether it be as a result of brain-eating zombies or something of a political nature, like dropping nukes or blowing up oil fields (and no, I'm not one of those doomsday preparers or anything, it's just an entertaining way for me to analyze security risks). 

In 2009, Slate published this "Choose Your Own Apocalypse" game.  I thought it was genius and always wanted to throw a party with that theme. Here's the Slate piece (though it doesn't look like you can still play the game): http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/the_end_of_america/2009/08/how_is_america_going_to_end_8.html

For example, I lived in Los Angeles for three years and I thought that was pretty much the worst place to ride out the zombie apocalypse (or even a minor political kerfuffle).  While LA had pretty much perfect weather, it had a lot of other negatives -- it was a densely populated city full of a bunch of crazy people (including a bunch of gun-toting crazy people), many of whom belonged to gangs and others who were so far removed from reality that I wouldn't be surprised if they attempted to fight off the zombie hordes with movie props (though really, how awesome would it be to see people fighting off zombies with Star Wars light sabers, but I digress).  So yeah, LA would have been a bad place to ride out the apocalypse. 

Here are some thoughts on what it would be like to ride out the zombie apocalypse in Oman (think of this like my previous informative post about Oman, though only with zombies and a lot of jest):

Pros:

- While Muscat is the most populous city in Oman, it still only has 1.2 million people.  And the total population for the entire country is only approximately 2.8 million, which I'm pretty sure is less people than a single neighborhood in LA.  And since humans have a tendency to freak out and fight each other when the shit hits the fan, I'm thinking that being somewhere sparsely populated is probably a good thing.

- As I've mentioned before, Muscat is a long city with the ocean on one side and the mountains on the other.  That makes it far more defensible than most other capital cities.  And, even if the city itself was overrun, once you get past the mountains into the desert, it's hard to imagine many attackers/zombies following suit since the crags are pretty formidable (and the old forts could serve some useful modern purposes):

 

- I've always felt that surviving the zombie apocalypse would also require surrounding yourself with people who had useful survival skills.  Texas was a pretty good place for finding that.  I'm not sure that the inhabitants of Muscat (Muscattians?) have particularly good survival skills, but outside of Muscat you've got about a million and a half people who are used to surviving in one of the harshest places on earth.  I've always had a healthy respect for the Bedouins, who have made the desert their home despite all odds (although, admittedly, I'm not sure how happy the Bedouins would be about adopting a white girl with no survival skills at all, since lawyering probably isn't going to be in high demand post-apocalypse).

 

- Arabs are famous for their hospitality to guests and it is one of the central features of Arab culture.  It makes sense -- if you live out in the desert, there is the chance that you could be stuck without food or water and someone else's hospitality (and generosity) might be the only thing that saves you (here's a good article that goes into more detail on Arab hospitality).  As a result, hospitality to guests is such a deeply ingrained cultural value that there's a chance it might even survive the zombie apocalypse.  So it's nice to know that if I was being chased by a zombie and knocked on someone's door for sanctuary, there's a decent chance that here they'd open the door, invite me in and offer me food and water (unlike in the US, where I'd likely be met with a shotgun to the face).

 

- If you're going to a formal event in the West, chances are you're putting on a tux.  Contrary to what James Bond movies would lead you to believe, tuxes are not inherently good for fighting in.  Here, when you want to go to a formal event, you slap on one of these wicked looking daggers:

So while they may not have a lot of guns here, at least most males have awesome daggers to fight zombies with.

Cons:
- If I were Sarah Palin, I'd say that I can see Iran from my backyard.  And Pakistan.  And I guess if I squinted I could see Afghanistan.  Not to mention that Yemen isn't exactly a beacon for peace and democracy at the moment.

In most good post-apocalyptic scenarios, you generally have a mad scientist or someone trying to create a weapon of mass destruction and accidentally creating a brain-eating parasite.  Or something.  But anyway, I figure there are plenty of mad scientists in Iran and even more not-mad scientists trying to create biological weapons.  And if something were to go wrong, Muscat is really only a hop, skip and a jump away (assuming zombies can swim).  Plus, if another well-meaning country dropped a nuke on Iran (or Pakistan), I'm pretty sure I'd be in the fallout zone and at risk of growing mutant appendages. 

You have to go see the full comic at: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/zombie_how

- The weather here in summer can reach 120* F and it is not a dry heat.  It feels like the swamps of Florida combined with sticking your head in the oven.  I've always assumed that one of the first things to go in an apocalypse would be the electrical infrastructure, so you've gotta assume that sooner or later we'd lose air conditioning here.  And if that happened I'm pretty sure I'd walk out to meet the zombies unarmed.  Not to mention if you had to escape Muscat over the mountains -- then you'd just have endless desert that would probably kill me within the hour (they actually call that part the "Empty Quarter").

Stolen from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tourism_in_Oman


At the end of the day, I'd still take my chances riding out the zombie apocalypse in Oman rather than LA.  Although the proximity to Iran doesn't exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy...